Wayne – New Jersey

By the time I hit 20 years old, I wanted to die. Emotionally, I was disturbed by the abandonment and abuse of my mother and father. My father physically beat me, and my mother emotionally abandoned me. I never had that love.

I was 21 years old. I had no place to live. I was on a plane going to California because I was going to live with my Uncle Johnny. I was so heartbroken that my father was a heroin addict, and my mother was an alcoholic, and I felt abandoned by life. 

A stewardess saw me crying, and she came up and showed me a picture she took, and Mother Mary appeared in the picture. That was my first experience with Medjugorje. I was crying my eyes out and she started talking about Medjugorje and my heart started to open to God.

Then things started happening, God-incidences, miracles, and Medjugorje started coming into my life. Very shortly after that, I found Jesus Christ, and I believe it happened through Mother Mary. It started with Her. She introduced me to Her Son, Jesus, and after that, my life has been a constant walk now with Medjugorje, Mother Mary, and Jesus Christ.

If it wasn’t for the love of God and the love of Mary, I would not be here today. I got sober and I’ve been sober ever since. I’ve been sober 36 years, by the grace of God. 

I do suffer. Jesus says in scripture, “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,” and it does’t mean a physical death, it means a spiritual death. I have walked through the valley of spiritual death in my life. I struggle with the emotional scars of my past. Mary and Jesus have overcome that with me and have healed me by their graces. That’s the part I want to stress to people. 

I did not believe. The only time I believed in God is when I was in trouble. I didn’t think God loved me. I didn’t think He cared about me. I never went to a church in my life until I was 21 years old because Mother Mary pulled on my heart that day on that plane through that lady. I’ll never forget it. 

I’ve learned from this place how much Mother Mary and Jesus Christ love me. 

I spoke to Mirjana. She smiled at me. I felt love. I felt the love of Mother Mary. I said, “Pray for me, Mirjana.”

She said, “You pray for me, please.”

She’s a very holy woman. She serves the food. Her knees are bad. I saw her yesterday, she was taking all these pictures. She can barely walk, but she’s trying to do the will of God. 

I was complaining because I come from a really bad family, and I need my heart to be healed by God and Mother Mary. Mirjana told me to go to the Blue Cross, so I went to the Blue Cross. There was a girl sitting in front of the cross. I paid no mind to her. She walked up to me and said, “Mama Mary wants me to tell you something. I’m sorry to bother you.” 

My friend Joe was with me. I said, “What?” 

She goes, “She’s glad Her sons are finally here.” So Mother Mary did speak to me at the Blue Cross. After that, I felt peace. 

I would suggest everyone go to the Blue Cross in Medjugorje. It’s very important. Pray. Let everything out.

I am learning an intimate relationship with Jesus and Mother Mary. I spend time alone, reflect on my own life. I brought everything that I’m going through in my life to the Cross. I’ve been getting healed with that. 

I’ve spent a lot of time in Mass. What it did is it brought me back to my spirituality. Sometimes in life, we get so caught up with everything around us back home that coming here puts us back in the center where we really need to be. Now, when I go back home, I’ll go back home with the right approach, with God being the center of my life. 

How do I keep living it? First of all, fast on Wednesdays and Fridays. That’s what I learned during this trip, that I should start fasting on bread and water on Wednesdays and Fridays. The other thing is to go to Mass. I do go to Mass, but I’m going to continue going to Mass. Praying the Rosary. Not only that, it’s by the way I live my life so other people can see love. That’s what Mother Mary calls us to be, apostles of love. Let people see the love that’s in us, and that love will radiate to other people.

This is really important, Mother Mary says this too, it’s very important that we read the word of God, read the Bible. She points us to that. 

That’s the five stones. Read the word of God, go to Mass, fast, pray the Rosary, and confession.

That’s another thing I learned, how important confession is. Just being in Medjugorje, things have been coming, almost like someone is pulling things out of me that I stuffed down years ago that are now being revealed to me. I went to confession today. Three or fours hours later, I’ll be thinking about something and something else will come up, and I’ll go to confession again. 

It’s like I’m cleaning my soul out here. This way I can go back with God within my heart and Mother Mary and the Holy Spirit. 

I didn’t see Mother Mary. A lot of people want to see Mother Mary. Some people have. I know people have seen Her physically, but the most important thing is to see Her in your heart. Stay open-minded. That’s how this works. Stay honest, have an open mind with an open heart, and have the willingness. If you have all three of those things when you come here, you will experience what I have experienced, the grace of the Living God.